How To 🫨 Stay Sane 🫨 Around Family

Hey there - I meant to get this post to you in time for Thanksgiving, but life got in the way. Before getting into today’s post I just wanted to say the holidays can be hard for a lot of reasons. Maybe you aren’t close with your family or don’t have family at all. Whatever the situation may be, if this time of year is hard for you hang in there. Ignore what you see on Instagram (no family is perfect) and remember that times will get better. I used to eat Thanksgiving dinner alone in my room. Onto the post:

The holidays are here, and you know what that means: Christmas cookies for breakfast, marathon gift-wrapping sessions, and “lively” family debates sandwiched between It’s a Wonderful Life and the Times Square ball drop. Oh, and Aunt Linda asking again why you’re still single. Cue the deep breaths.

If spending extended time with family feels like a trip to emotional bootcamp, you're not alone. Luckily, there’s a secret weapon that can help: personality typing.

Here’s what we’ll cover today:

• What is personality typing?

• The four elements of Myers-Briggs personality types.

• How understanding personality types will help you maintain your sanity.

• Tips for navigating family dynamics with holiday zen intact.

🎄 The Secret Sauce: Personality Typing

Years ago, I stumbled upon personality typing thanks to a wise mentor who noticed my tendency to get annoyed by family "advice." Think Myers-Briggs: INTJ, ENFP, and their alphabet soup of companions. Learning about personality types was like being handed the Rosetta Stone for human behavior. Suddenly, the way my family interacted made so much sense.

🧩 Breaking Down Myers-Briggs: The Four Elements

Each Myers-Briggs personality type is a combination of preferences across four categories. Here’s a quick rundown to help you decode your family members:

1. Introversion (I) vs. Extraversion (E)

   • Introverts: Recharge in solitude. They may prefer one-on-one chats over boisterous group dinners.

   • Extraverts: Thrive in social settings and might take charge of holiday games or be the first to suggest karaoke.

2. Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N)

   • Sensors (S): Focus on concrete details and practical matters. They’ll discuss the recipe for the pie in detail or suggest the best deals on gifts.

   • Intuitives (N): Love big ideas and abstract thinking. They’ll be the ones wondering aloud about what holiday traditions really mean.

3. Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

   • Thinkers (T): Value logic and fairness. Their holiday arguments will center on what’s “rational” rather than what feels good.

   • Feelers (F): Prioritize harmony and emotions. They’ll ask how everyone is doing and will work to make peace in any conflicts.

4. Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

   • Judgers (J): Prefer structure and planning. Expect them to have the day’s itinerary mapped out by the minute.

   • Perceivers (P): Go with the flow and enjoy spontaneity. They’ll be the ones casually suggesting a last-minute movie night.

🚦 Why It Works

Understanding personality types isn’t just a party trick for small talk. It’s a mindset shift that can radically change how you interact with your family. Here’s why:

1. It Helps You Decode Intentions.
   Ever had a family member’s comment sting like a bee? For example, your sibling might casually remark, “Are you sure you want to move to another city? Seems risky.”

   • On the surface, it might feel like a jab at your decisions. But personality typing reveals that their comment isn’t an attack—it’s a reflection of their worldview. Maybe they’re a Sensor (S) who values stability and concrete plans. Or perhaps they’re a Thinker (T) who sees risk through a purely logical lens.

   • Instead of spiraling into self-doubt or frustration, you can reframe the comment: “They care about me and want me to feel secure.” Suddenly, their words feel less critical and more like a heartfelt (albeit awkwardly delivered) hug.

2. It Highlights Strengths and Blind Spots.
   Every personality type has its superpowers and kryptonite. Understanding this means you can predict—and prepare for—potential holiday tension.

   • Example 1: Your Judging (J) cousin loves a structured plan for the day’s activities, while you, a Perceiving (P) free spirit, prefer to wing it.

   • Example 2: You’re an Intuitive (N) who loves big-picture conversations, but your Sensing (S) parent finds joy in the details.

3. It Creates Space for Empathy.
   Family relationships often feel strained when we assume everyone sees the world the way we do. Personality typing is like a secret decoder ring, showing you that your brother’s tendency to poke holes in your ideas isn’t about being dismissive—it’s just his Thinking (T) mind at work.

4. It Lowers the Stakes.
   Once you realize that personality clashes are natural, not personal, it becomes easier to let go of petty arguments.

5. It Turns Frustration into Fascination.
   Instead of getting annoyed by Uncle Joe’s endless tales of his high school glory days, you might start to see him as a classic Extravert (E) who processes life out loud.

6. It Encourages Growth.
   Spending time with different personality types can help you expand your own perspective.

🧘‍♂️ Tips for Holiday Survival

1. Identify Your Personality Type.

2. Reframe Your Family Member’s Intentions - A big one for me was shifting from “they don’t support my decisions” to “they just want to make sure I’m safe.”

3. Carve Out "You" Time - This one is important because let’s face it, even if you digest this whole post, there still may be times when something your brother-in-law says makes you want to flip the dining room table. Setting aside time to walk outside, exercise, or meditate will allow you to maintain an even more stable state of mind.

🔑 Takeaway

Your family’s quirks are part of what makes them them. Instead of fighting the tide of clashing personality types this holiday, try riding the wave with understanding—and a bit of humor.

As always feel free to comment below or reply this email directly with any questions.

Happy Holidays to you!

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