Memory Reconsolidation Series

In this week’s newsletter, I’m going to teach you a powerful technique for eliminating painful memories so they no longer bother you.

You ever screw up in life? I mean, bad, so bad you feel ashamed of the choices you made.

Well, turns out, you’re a human being. You and I, we’re not perfect, and we’re bound to say or do things in this life that we later feel ashamed of.

It’s common for us to go through life and make poor choices.

Or maybe it’s not something we did but rather something someone else said or did to us.

You could’ve been bullied, assaulted, the list goes on.

Even though these events are over, the memories still seem to haunt you and no matter how hard you try or how many positive affirmations you say, you can’t seem to shake your past.

Talking about it in talk therapy hasn’t worked and your self-esteem might suffer whenever you recall these events.

It can feel like you’re trapped in this mental prison and you’re being held back from living your best life.

Here’s a technique that will help you remove the emotional charge from your negative memories:

Note: this entire process is one you will complete mentally. This process will help you create mental distance from this painful memory, detaching you from the emotions.

1. When you recall your painful memory, take a step outside of the memory. Instead of experiencing the memory through your own eyes, watch a clone of yourself experiencing the memory.

2. Notice how you feel one step removed from the memory, seeing yourself in the memory (third-person view) rather than being in the actual memory first-person. In your mind, think of this like you’re rewatching this memory as if it were happening on a tv screen.

3. Feel the emotions you would feel for yourself as if it were a close friend of yours experiencing this situation instead of yourself. When I do this, I think to myself something like, “awww Chris, you poor guy, you’re amazing and I’m sorry you went through that, I love you.”

4. This next step might be a little difficult at first. Mentally step outside of yourself again, so you’re two layers removed. Meaning, you’re seeing yourself watching yourself in the memory. If you were doing this in real life with your eyes open, you’d be looking at a clone of you that’s looking at a clone of you in the memory. Stay in this state for as long as you can and notice how it feels being two layers detached from the memory.

This process is called dissociation, and while in some circumstances dissociation can be bad, it’s a technique myself and others have found to be powerful for reducing the emotional charge on past memories.

Sometimes this process is a one-and-done, but in certain cases where the memories are supercharged with painful emotions, it might take time.

I like to think of it like a game of whack-a-mole, where every time the bad memory pops up, you go through the above process, dissociating, feeling empathy for yourself, practice detaching from the memory.

The more you practice this exercise, the less and less these painful memories will dictate your present state.

Another option to the above technique is:

1. After you step out of the memory so you’re seeing a clone of yourself in the memory (3rd person), replace yourself in the memory with someone you care about and love deeply.

2. Feel the emotions you would feel for that person having gone through what you went through, empathy, compassion, love, etc.

3. Practice giving those same supportive thoughts and emotions to yourself.

I know this technique can be confusing, so if you have any questions, send me an email.

If this post was valuable to you, I’d appreciate you sharing this newsletter through the link below. Thank you.

With love,

Chris